Letting Go...

Letting Go.... (A little Rambling for the people)

My first memory of being weighed was when I was a senior in high school.  I remember my weight being 109 pounds.  All the way through college I weighed between 109-118 pounds and I’m sure that I had a lot to do with walking to class, climbing the steps instead of taking elevators, and dancing 5 hours straight 3 days a week.  So my eating habits did not have time to catch up with me.

Well, when I graduated I started a desk job and although I worked a part-time job in the evening, I constantly ate and drank to stay alert. Needless to say, my 109-118 expanded to 120-128.  I remember going to pull my size 2 Lerner (aka NY & CO) jeans on and they stopped at my thighs.  I was horrified.  My size 2 days were finished.  The sad thing is that those jeans (and other size 2 items) remained in my closet for almost a year after that moment because I would not accept that I had grown past that stage in my life.

The truth is that I liked how I looked and felt with the extra weight.  I was finally developing into a young lady BUT... I had a great attachment to my wardrobe.  I mean, I spent years building it.  I knew what was comfortable, which pieces fit perfectly, and all of my boyfriend’s favorite pieces.  So it was hard to accept that I was not going to fit into those clothing again.

The other day I put up a quote (one of my own) that I used when talking to a young lady about "letting go" being a requirement of growth.  I thought about my Lerner jeans because they were the items I missed the most from my wardrobe.  They were comfortable and reliable.  It's funny because I thought about how this is so similar to life.  We outgrow things all of the time:  jobs, homes, places and PEOPLE.  But we do not want to let them go because of all the same reasons I didn’t want to let go of my jeans:  comfort, familiarity, and the investment.  But holding onto things that no longer fit only causes pain and discomfort for us.  If we think about that day when I REALIZED that those jeans were too small and I still wore them…worst feeling ever.  Nothing I did that day was completed without the resoundingly breathtaking reminder that those jeans didn’t fit.

Now I’ve said all of that to say:
Growing is a natural part of living.  It should be constant.  Sometimes when we grow, we will find that we are also outgrowing things we are accustomed to and it no longer fits our new mindset, attitude, or lifestyle.  Trying to hold onto those things only creates tension and makes us uncomfortable. The point is that we have to be willing to embrace our current state and truly evaluate the things around us to see if they fit.

For years, I held onto an organization that I loved being a part of, but there was always a push back when I tried to contribute my ideas.  I kept holding onto “how things used to be” thinking (or rather hoping) things would go back to the way they were when I really enjoyed being a part.  I prayed that God would make things better for me in that group. I also prayed that He would order my steps and lead me to what I SHOULD be doing.  Instead of improving the situation, I began to feel even more suffocated and other things began to happen in my life that would prevent me from being  involved as often as I would prefer. At first I struggled to do it all and then I slowly began to accept that I had other things to do that did not directly include this organization. I also began to see that I had outgrown that place in my life and the spot where this organization filled was quickly being filled with other things that were easier to accomplish and more satisfying. I remember leaving my first meeting for a new project and texting a friend saying, "I didn't know it could be that easy." There were no ugly looks, no arguing, or belittling comments...just a group of people working together on a common goal to improve the community.  Once you experience that kind of peace, there is no going back. 

The truth is that I should've walked away a long time ago but I was being stubborn and determined that I was going to make it fit and because of this, I suffered a lot longer than I had to.
I know it can be hard to let go...especially of people that we love; but when it becomes clear that these things/people are creating more discomfort (drama) in our lives than producing positive things, it's likely time to let go.
The truth of the matter is that it's only causing you pain and quite frankly it's also unfair to the things and people  we hold onto, because neither can grow to full potential in places that do not fit.

Final Thought: Many times we stay in dead situations too long bc we don't want to "give up" or "quit" on what we love. But when you give your energy to something and it's returning void bc of a lack of reciprocation...walking away is not a fail. It's moving forward. It's easy to stay in dead spaces but lets be courageous! We deserve LIFE! ‪#‎assertiveliving‬